Hot Dogs, Terror Level Orange!

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Hot Dog lobbyist? I didn’t know there was such a thing and now I think that’s the best use of a Law degree that I have ever heard. The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is a Washington-based firm that lobbies on behalf of the wiener industry. You may not have thought anything of them, but they are hard at work protecting our beloved cased meat from those that would like to rid us of this tailgating staple.

How busy is this firm? Busier than you might imagine. Just this month, they were at war for wieners over two potentially damaging cases. In the first case, a Kansas City Royals fan has started a lawsuit claiming that he suffered an eye injury at a game from an errant hot dog toss from the Royal’s mascot. Can you say frivolous? Everyone knows you have to keep your head on a swivel when there’s a guy in a giant foam costume slinging hot dogs! INCOMING!

Elsewhere in the war on hot dogs, the American Academy of Pediatrics described hot dogs as a “high risk” food for children. Yeah, they raised hot dogs to terror level orange. According to the Academy, 17% of all asphyxiation deaths of children under 10 occur while eating hot dogs. I’m not saying there isn’t a danger of choking on the things, but is it higher than anything else you put into your mouth? Case in point, the other 83% of high risk foods include some subset of nuts, grapes, candy, carrots and other veggies. You know, anything that isn’t liquid. The Wiener council also released numbers on the “hot dog season”, which includes the period between Memorial and Labor Days. According to their numbers, about 818 hot dogs were consumed every second of the Summer. If choking on hot dogs alone was a huge risk, I think we would have seen a lot more in the news with that many consumed. The parking lots of most college and professional games would need a triage center just for hot dog consumers.

So fight the good fight National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. I did not know you existed, but I am glad you do. Maybe the Royals should have a “protect your grill” night, complete with a face mask that looks like the grate of a grill. You know, so no one looses an eye.


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